These days have been weird.
After the deadline I’m not sure what to do with myself. I’ve wrapped up some missing implementation but honestly I had a hard time getting myself to do it. On the positive note, however, I found out that I really love to blast out some music into my headphones and just dive into the code.
I have to admit that I’m feeling a bit burned out. For me, and this is really just a personal feeling, scientific paper is not the most fulfilling output of my hard work. Somehow I have a problem to attach myself to it. Maybe that’s because I’m still not too good at it and I’m not exactly sure how it all ends up together. Submitting a paper is then a very anticlimactic event.
Also, any time I submit a paper, I have a really hard time afterwards. I don’t want to think about the paper I just submitted and I also don’t really want to even think about the next one. Because what I only see now, are the tough times. I’m just gonna wait for the review scores and then see what’s next. I guess you could say that I’m really experiencing the after-deadline “depression” and I feel really uninspired and unmotivated.
On top of that, after a long time, I got sick. Although it’s not like I was absolutely out of order, I just really wasn’t feeling well. Gabi said that maybe it was a case of spring fatigue. I’m feeling a lot better now, hopefully I can resume a normal regime next week.
This time period feels like “in between” to me not only because it’s between the paper submission and when I’ll know the results. It’s also because we are leaving for a big USA trip in approximately two weeks. Now that I wrote it down it makes me nervous. There’s still a lot to plan but I’m pretty excited. We haven’t been on a vacation last summer (which I guess wasn’t the smartest thing to do—you need to rest properly!) so I’m very much looking forward to being away.
I need to get my thoughts in order. I need to get away from the usual routine to gain perspective, figure out where I’m going and re-evaluate. I’m sure it’s gonna be an adventure and I want to enjoy it fully with Gabi. The only thing we need to be careful, is to not stress ourselves. We are both recovering worriers, we want to have everything planned and worry about things that can go wrong. This trip is not going to be perfectly planned like that and I want to accept that. I want to enjoy the moment, solve problems on the fly, and just chill out.